Some not so fun facts about a not so fun topic.
Personal disclosure: September is tough for me. I have been pregnant five times and lost two of those pregnancies, both with connections to September. Not only was my first daughter, lost in March of 2018, due in September, but I also discovered my third daughter had stopped growing at nine weeks in September. Though I have two rainbow babies following each of these losses, this month frequently brings back feelings of intense grief, which is why I chose this topic for my next post.
I once heard a wonderful analogy about grief.
Your life is a still pond, calm and serene except for things on the outside that disturb your waters. Grief is like if someone rolled a giant boulder into your pond. There is a massive splash, ripples make their way across as the waters are disrupted, the fish in the water scatter, and sand and mud is tossed as the boulder falls to the bottom. But eventually, the ripples become less turbulent, the fish swim close again, and the dust and mud settle. Everything becomes still. By all outward appearances, everything is the exact same as it was. Except you, now aware that there is a huge, immovable boulder in your pond. While everything on the surface is calm and still, this boulder will always signify what happened and how things will never be the same. A new ‘normal’ has been created.
Daily, I live my ‘new normal,’ sometimes on autopilot. But every now and then, I remember that there are two giant boulders in my pond. Advice from a counselor: there is no way to skip grief. You must go through it. Here is what helped me!
🌷 Create a ritual or memorial for your baby/babies. I chose necklaces that I wear every day.
🌷 Don’t skip the self-care. Eat to fuel your body, move your body, and take time off work if possible. Yes, I know this one is extra hard.
🌷Surround yourself with supportive people. If you struggle with this, try to limit contact with unsupportive people.
🌷Find a counselor or support group
You can’t go around it, but you can go through it.