The “martyrdom of motherhood!” This is something I see across the board with my clients. It’s the concept that mothers are often expected, or feel compelled, to sacrifice their personal needs and wants for the sake of their children and family.
Hallmark features:
👉🏻Over-Sacrifice: Prioritizing everyone else’s needs above their own.
👉🏻Mom Guilt: Feeling guilty for taking time for themselves, pursuing personal interests, or setting boundaries.
👉🏻Perfectionism: Striving to meet unrealistic standards of being the “perfect” mom, partner, or homemaker. This one in particular is fueled by social media.
👉🏻Invisible Labor: Taking on the majority of domestic and emotional labor without recognition or support.
👉🏻Social Validation: Feeling pressure to demonstrate devotion to motherhood through visible, self-sacrificing acts, often driven by societal judgment.
👉🏻Lack of Reciprocity: Giving endlessly without asking for or receiving help, often due to internalized beliefs that “good mothers” don’t need assistance.
Why is this mentality bad?
You can’t pour from an empty cup! Though being a parent comes with sacrifice, we don’t stop existing as people when we have children.
So how do we fix it?
FILL YOUR CUP! This could look like dedicating time to self-care, asking for help, evaluating your expectations of motherhood (are they realistic?), and/or setting boundaries.
If you are struggling in this stage of life, you are definitely not alone! The phrases “mom guilt” and the “martyrdom of motherhood” didn’t come into existence because only a few people experience it – quite the opposite! They are so pervasive that new phrases were coined to define them.
If you can, reach out to your counselor or mental health provider for support and assistance as you reclaim your identity in parenthood. For those of you in Texas, I am accepting clients virtually, and in person in the DFW area. I would love to chat!